“Munni badnaam hui..”
Sooraj was hot. Dazzling, in fact. Ask anyone. Even from
a distance who could feel his warmth. No doubt he was the most coveted guy
around in college. So when he came asking me for a one-night-stand, I thought,
well why not. Contraception and 72 hours’ pills weren't so abundant those
days, and so I got screwed up. Totally. Gosh!
“Shayad mere shaadi ka khayal..”
Mom was nice, but Pop got all worked up and all after
I had my baby. He made me send him off to an adoption center. And he demanded
that I get married off. Soon, too soon. So soon that they actually cut down on
the courtship phase, and even did not let me check out the guy myself. But I
heard he is from a rich and powerful regime, and that he could become the
future king. So I married. And ask me about my wedding night… ouch!
“It’s my life!”
So, let me explain this. I was young, I was pretty.
And I was married yet single. And I need to live it. To the fullest. My hubby
was not really against the idea, he knew the only feeling I could feel for him
was pity, and he didn't want me to take that away. So he let me be. And I got
what I wanted, and more. Yudhishthira, Bheema and Arjuna!
“Zindegi na milegi dobara”
Pandu, as I told you, was not really my type. Anyone’s
type, rather. So I didn't quite feel a thing when it happened. But then they
say it’s our culture that the wife needs to accompany hubbies, so that they
don’t get deprived even as ghosts. So I said, Madree, Go girl! Poor thing, she
was blossoming into love with Ashwini Kumar 1. But as luck would have it. Who
am I to decide destinies, other than taking care of mine own?
“Roti, Kapda aur Makaan.. bas itna sa khwab hai!”
And they say, “Ah, poor widow!” Well, look at me. And
Sonia. And mind your tongue, I say.
Soon after Pandu and Madree left, I ran cash short.
They said I had to come to terms with reality, but I said, “Perception is
reality”. And I perceive myself to be the king of the world. I was never power
thirsty, so to say. I don’t mind as long as get to rule, albeit from far.
Reminded of another lady from your recent times? Yes, quite like her. I always
believe you should rule by brain, not by vein, that is, inheritance. And if you
still need an inheritance story, I have it too. When elder sis Gandhari got
busy worrying about her Pop and brothers in prison, and worked up and blind
folded in search of justice, I was already cradling a baby Yudhisthira to own
up the future throne. So after Pandu dies, it didn't take me long to figure out
the “vein story” to claim the fame. But in vain, at least for quite a while.
They put up a good fight, didn't they?
“Kyunki, saans bhi kabhi bahu thi!”
They say Draupadi is pretty. Huh! Let me show you how
she looks without a Photoshop touch-up. In my days we didn't have digicams
and SLR’s, even colour prints were rare. But if you were to trust the
villagers, they’d swear they didn't see a beauty like me in their lives again.
But there I digress again. Well, the point is that I knew Arjuna would make it.
He has never lost a game in archery. So when they said the Panchal king has
called for a contest where the prize would be that proud young princess for a
wife, I knew that’s it. Well, Panchals were a useful lot to build a connection
with, a connection strong enough for them to lend us unconditional support. At
war, and in peace. And I would need that, badly, to shape up my future plans on
territory expansions. But I also knew what it will mean at the home front.
Apparently, pretty and intelligent girls do not really make what you call an
ideal daughter-in-law, do they? But I have a plan. Wait and watch.
(And so Panchali gets married to not one but all five
brothers. And never gets to spare a remark on marital impurities of her
mother-in-law. She cooks all day, for everyone in the house. Plays wife to all
brothers. All at once, to begin with. But as quantity is known to be reversely
related to quality, the brothers strike a deal. With help of who else but Krishna . That they will take turns, annually. Each year,
Panchali treats one brother as hubby and the others, as brother-in-laws. And
Kunti smiles.)
“Love you Love you, O my Paglu!”
Karna, my child, what a handsome young man you've become! If I didn’t know for a fact you’re my son, I could even… Ok, let me not
digress. So, how have you been, son? How is the new kingdom treating you? You
like ruling? You like power? Yes, say that again, you do, right? Well, here you
go! Lissen, I got something for you. Hush…. Don’t trust me? Here, see. What?
Come again? No, you say no? Well, you'll get Draupadi too. A lion share of her nights. I can talk to the other kids to make that happen. No, still not? Are you sure? Think again. You must be kidding. Oh boy! Well, ahh.. as you wish.
..Life’s tough sometimes! And inevitable.
“Dil ki baazi jeeta dil haar kar!”
So, the war is over. I lost a son, Karna. I knew it
could be coming, but it hurt. I lost many a dear ones, but my other sons lived.
And after how bad the things went all around, I should be thankful that they
did. Amen!
“To dust thou shalt return!”
Well, the battle’s done and “dust”-ed.. but you need
to have a retirement plan, don’t you? In this age of nuclear units, it doesn't really become of me to share kitchen and gardens with these young girls my sons
picked up.. and it’s quite a deal to manage so many of them, now as even
Hidimba, the noisiest, will join in.. and anyways, the ones I loved most were
those chirpy grandkids who are no more.. Thinking of other options, well Vidur
is getting old and boring, and he wasn't ever quite that type I could really
fancy.. he indeed was a shelter when I needed one but now it’s time to bid
goodbye.. So I’m wondering if its time to call it a day and move on! And you've seen how late retirement works, haven’t you? It’s only that day that some
particular Dada got dropped from IPL and I hear he sells vests these days, so
beware Kunti! You should know when to hang your boots. And so, me think, I’ll
club up with Dhrita and elder sis Gandhari to this nice quite virgin beach they
are planning now..
Let’s check out how life gets there and yes, I’ll keep
you guys posted.
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